The Dilemma Most Leaders Don't Know They Have

In an earlier article in The Pivot, "Why the Strongest Signals Appear the Weakest," we explored how to sense what's emerging and notice how weak signals can predict what's coming. But sensing alone doesn't change anything. The article is here.

Most leaders find themselves caught in a false choice. Push harder to stay focused on the task, ignore any signals interpreted as distractions, and push toward a solution. Or remain silent, even when you sense something, but keep it private, filter what you feel.

Push or stay silent. It feels like those are the only options.

They're not. And here's what happens when you find the way out.

SPEAKING WHAT WAS UNSPOKEN

I was in a meeting with five people deciding between three possible routes forward. Two strong voices had quickly rallied the group around one solution. The momentum felt good. Finally! A sense of alignment. We were moving toward action.

I was mostly listening. Sort of.

But there was something. A niggle in my belly. Uncomfortable. I thought I was irritated at myself for not just going with it. Then I paused. That wasn't it.

It was fear. Not fleeting anxiety. Something persistent. Something coming up from a deeper place in my gut.

For a moment, I did what most leaders do: I considered keeping it to myself. But I've learned enough to trust what moves through me when it comes from that deeper place.

"I don't have language for this yet, but there's something I'm sensing. Fear, actually. I'm not sure what it's pointing to, but I need to name it."

The room stopped.

One person quietly said a chill had moved through her. Another mentioned an impulse to slow down. Then something shifted. We went from task to process. People began to name what was actually present for them: the doubts they'd set aside, the pieces that didn't quite fit, and the concerns they'd privatized as personal worries rather than collective insights.

We unpacked what emerged. And we found a better path forward than the one we'd almost taken.

THE REAL PROBLEM

Here's what I discovered: Most of us encounter moments like this constantly. We feel something that doesn't fit the narrative. A wave of emotion. A gut instinct. And almost immediately, a familiar thought arrives: Keep this to yourself. This isn't rational. This isn't professional.

We've been trained well. Our culture rewards logic, efficiency, and certainty. Feelings and intuitions? Those are personal. Private. Not for meetings.

So we filter. We censor. We privatize what's actually moving through us.

And in doing so, we deprive something crucial: the relational space between us—that field—of exactly what it needs to create something new.

Others can't work with what we're not bringing. They can't respond to it, build on it, let it catalyze something in them.

But it goes deeper than that.

The field - that space between people, AKA: the relational space. This field itself isn't inert. It's alive. It's the actual source of what becomes possible. Like a soup pot where all the ingredients cook together, if I keep my ingredients private, I don't just deprive the others. I starve the field itself.

When I speak what's moving through me, something catalyzes. What I name permits others to name what they're holding. The space opens. And suddenly, the field can do what it's designed to do: reveal what none of us could see alone.

WHAT I KNOW HAPPENS

When I bring what's actually moving through me into a relational space, something shifts inside me first.

There's a coherence that arrives. An alignment between what my mind is thinking, what my heart is sensing, and what my gut knows. I'm not fragmented anymore. I'm whole. I've contributed fully.

It wasn't always this way. In the beginning, I was nervous as hell. But I watched what happened. I saw how it served the other person. I saw what it opened in the field. And I learned to trust it.

When I show up this way, I'm modeling something. I'm upholding a responsibility to the relational space. And I'm giving others something to respond to—their own experience in reaction to mine.

The field itself becomes alive in a different way. It's like adding compost to a garden. I'm feeding the field so it can metabolize what's being added. When everyone is willing to bring their full experience—not just the polished, logical part- the field generates energy. Real creative energy. That's where solutions come from that none of us could have engineered alone.

REMEMBERING

Here's what I've learned: There's more happening and more available than we realize.

We've developed our cognitive and emotional intelligence. However, we're wobbly with the relational and intuitive intelligence that forms a different kind of knowing. This is where imagination lives. Where creativity actually emerges from.

We're not separate. We're interconnected. Yet individually unique. And the field knows this already. It's always here. Always available. We're not developing new superpowers. We're remembering what was always there.

In coaching, we say the most essential tool is the coach themselves. Self as instrument. The same principle applies to leaders, teams, and anyone willing to show up in this way.

Think of it like guitar strings. What causes my strings to vibrate? Can I sense that? Can I share it? Then another person does the same. And another. Suddenly, we're not playing alone anymore. We're creating music together.

That's what happens when we stop privatizing what moves through us, when we feed the field instead of starving it.

The relational space doesn't open because the leader is perfect or has all the answers. It opens because someone is willing to be an instrument. To sense what's moving and speak it. And in that shared resonance, something emerges that none of us could have created alone.

That's how the future reveals itself.

WHERE I'M PLAYING

Here's where the playing actually begins.

In the mundane moments: conversations with people I see regularly, interactions that don't carry high stakes. I set an intention: I'm going to notice what's moving through me without filtering it.

No agenda. Just attention.

I notice the inner dialogue. The impulses. The thoughts that surprise me. And not just the heavy stuff, but the moments of joy, inspiration, or delight that show up for no reason. All of its data.

When that starts feeling natural, I bring that same split attention into business meetings. Part of me is tracking what's being discussed. Part of me is tracking what's happening inside. I stay curious. I stay open.

It's not complicated. It's just: What if I paid attention to what's actually moving through me instead of ignoring it?

That's the playground. If it interests you, you know where to find me.

Ready to experiment? Pick one mundane conversation this week and notice what moves through you without filtering it. See what shifts. You might be surprised.

What resonated? Please reply to this email or DM me and let me know where you're getting caught in the push-or-silent trap. I read every response.

Dave Schoof | Inner Wilderness Guide | International Executive Coach
www.daveschoof.com