The Weight You Don't Know You're Carrying

What I'm learning about invisible burdens and the courage to release them

The accomplished leaders I work with are exhausted. Not from working hard, they're built for that. But from carrying something they can't quite name.

I know this because I carried it too.

It's like hiking with a backpack full of rocks. Rocks they added without noticing. Some of the rocks that others placed there were never theirs to carry.

And here's the thing:

You don't know how heavy the backpack is until you set it down.

Some of the Rocks Look Like This

  • Always having the answer.

  • Never showing doubt.

  • Performing at full-time, super-competence, so no one sees the insecurity underneath.

These aren't character flaws. They're survival strategies that worked. Until the territory changed.

Some of them aren't even yours. Others handed them to you: their expectations, their fears, their unfinished business. You took them on board without realizing it.

What It Cost Me

For years, I felt responsible for my clients' success.

I'd spend days designing detailed, airtight development programs - convinced that if I could just make it structured enough, watertight enough, their success was guaranteed.

Then, when it inevitably didn't go the way I was so sure it would, I felt like a failure.

Like I'd failed them.

The weight of that responsibility was crushing.

And completely unnecessary.

The Moment I Put It Down

It happened in a group holding space for transformation.

I was describing this pattern - the crushing responsibility I felt for my clients' success. And as I spoke, I could feel where I was holding it: my jaw, my neck, my shoulders.

Someone invited me to slow down. To really feel it.

That invitation - to move at a different pace while being witnessed - opened something. It felt almost sacred.

In that slowed-down space, they asked: "What if you just... set it down?"

So I did. I visualized pulling off the backpack and placing it on the ground.

The relief was immediate.

Only then did I realize how heavy it had been.

Energy that had been a trickle became a flow. My breathing deepened - I hadn't even noticed how shallow it had become.

I felt access to myself return. To parts of me that had been buried under the weight.

Humor came back. Lightness. The capacity to feel desire and delight again.

And here's what surprised me most:

When I stopped carrying everyone's success, they became more capable. Not less.

When I stopped performing certainty, real trust emerged.

When I stopped holding all the answers, better questions surfaced.

I carried that weight for years. Probably decades, if I'm honest.

And no, it didn't all release in one moment. Some rocks I've had to set down multiple times. But that first moment - that recognition that I could put it down - changed everything.

It showed me what was possible.

Since then, I've been curious about what others are carrying.

What I'm Wondering

What are you carrying that you don't even notice anymore?

What rocks did you pick up along the way that aren't yours?

What would it feel like to put them down?

I've learned this work is hard to do alone. Most of us need someone to witness what we can't see. To hold space while we slow down enough to feel what we're carrying. To help us name what's been invisible.

If you're feeling the weight but can't quite name it - let's explore it together.

I'm offering complimentary 30-minute clarity conversations to help leaders:

  • Name what you're carrying that you can't quite see yourself

  • Understand what that weight is costing you

  • Explore what becomes possible when you put it down

No pitch. No agenda. Just exploration.

Reach me at [email protected] or book directly at [calendar link].

Because here's what I'm discovering:

The weight you've been carrying got you here.
But here isn't where you're going.

Dave Schoof | Inner Wilderness Guide | International Executive Coach
www.daveschoof.com

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