A colleague posted on LinkedIn about feeling unwell and needing rest, but being plagued by a voice full of "shoulds"– what she should be doing instead of resting.

It's surprisingly hard to stop everything and rest. Like a shark that must keep swimming to breathe, we often feel compelled to stay in motion. I recognize those voices and impulses, and our clients do too.

We know better. We know we need to stop and take a break. We know when we're sick, we need to rest and recover. We know even a short walk, a yoga class, or three deep breaths would help.

Knowing isn't the issue. It's the whiplash of a full stop.

Even when we try to pause for something nourishing, we reflexively reach for our phones. We might view a canceled meeting as a gift, only to immediately fill that time slot with something that isn't truly restorative.

The Involuntary Reach

You know the pattern: You finally carve out time for that walk, but on the way out, you grab your phone "just to check messages." Three text threads and fifteen minutes later, you're stressed about things that weren't even on your radar when you left the house. My version involves walking and talking with AI. Productive? Sure. Nourishing? Not so much.

Or you get that rare gift – that meeting cancellation that opens up an hour. For about thirty seconds, you feel the spaciousness and the dopamine rush! Then, almost involuntarily, you scan for what else you could squeeze in. The gift becomes just another slot to fill.

Even when we're sick, we reach for the laptop "just to handle a few things." We turn recovery time into catch-up time without even realizing it.

This isn't a discipline problem, nor is it about willpower or better time management. Something deeper is happening.

When the Helpers Can't Stop Either

Here's what makes this particularly challenging: even coaches and therapists who support their clients in this very area struggle with it themselves. I've watched myself and colleagues teach brilliant workshops on boundaries and sustainable pace, then immediately check our phones during the break.

The very people others turn to for guidance on rest, presence, and restoration are often caught in the same pattern. This isn't hypocrisy – it's evidence that we're dealing with something systemic, not individual.

We're all operating in new territory where the old maps for "work-life balance" no longer apply.

Beyond Productivity Advice

This isn't solved by better apps, time-blocking techniques, or meditation reminders. We're dealing with something more fundamental – a nervous system that's been trained to interpret stillness as danger.

• The Phone Panic: I remember suggesting a leadership team leave their phones outside the meeting room. The instant panic in their faces revealed something profound. Those devices weren't just tools – they were lifelines to the illusion of control. Being disconnected for even an hour triggered existential terror.
  

• The Identity Fusion: For many of us, "doing" isn't just a behavior; it's part of our identity. Who are we if we're not producing, responding, moving forward? In a rapidly changing world, stopping feels like losing our sense of self, the very thread of who we are.
  

• The FOMO Amplifier: We're afraid that in the space of a breath, the pause of a walk, or the stillness of genuine rest, we'll miss the crucial piece of information, the important opportunity, the thing that keeps us relevant.

But what if the most crucial information comes in the spaces between? What if our relevance depends on our ability to step out of the stream occasionally?

Learning to Inhabit the Pause

This isn't about forcing yourself to be still. It's about developing what I call "transition skills" – ways to move from motion to stillness without triggering the internal alarm system.

• The Art of Bearing Checks: In navigation, bearing checks are pauses where you assess your direction and course-correct if necessary. I see leaders skip these in the rush of their days, but they're needed more than ever as the terrain constantly shifts. These checks also let us measure progress – like stopping on a long hike to look back and see how far you've actually come. My colleague, Sonja Blignaut (linktree). calls these "Waypoints."
  

  • Micro-Pauses: Instead of going from full speed to a dead stop, try downshifting. Three breaths before checking your phone. A moment of noticing before filling that canceled meeting slot.
    

  • Reframe the Space: Instead of seeing pauses as voids to fill, what if they're navigation points? The gift isn't more time to do things; it's time to check your bearings and choose your next direction.
    

  • Compassion for the Reach: Notice the involuntary reach for stimulation without judgment. Your nervous system is trying to keep you safe in the only way it knows how.
    

  • Question the Emergency: When everything feels urgent, ask: "What would really happen if I took five minutes before responding to this?" I've even been known to tell my clients: "If it's truly an emergency, dial 911." Otherwise, breathe, reframe, and reground. Turns out, very few things actually are emergencies.

  
  

An Invitation to Experiment

The next time you feel that automatic reach for your phone during a quiet moment, pause. Not to judge yourself, but to get curious.

What is that reach promising you? Connection? A completed task? Information? The feeling of being important or needed?

And what might be available in the space just before that reach?

Try this: When you feel the automatic urge to check, fill, or respond, count "one-one-thousand" before acting. In that single second, notice what the urge is promising you. Then, consciously choose whether to follow it or do something else.

That tiny space between impulse and action? That's where freedom lives. You can read more about this here [link to article].

We know what we need. The question isn't about acquiring more knowledge; it's about developing the capacity to receive what we already know would help us.

In our rapidly changing world, the ability to pause, breathe, and intentionally choose your next move may be the most essential leadership skill there is.

When you're ready to develop this capacity, I'm here.

For you:

To read more by me, go here.

The Pivot Podcast, here.

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